Lawless Twats

Sunday was interesting…

Now I’m all for love and happiness, but what proceeded to follow – shortly after passing through an orange light in Sea Point yesterday – was just fucking tweaky… and completely ridiculous.

It all began when Archibald and I were attempting to locate Beluga in Sea Point, after a much needed beach session.

We were driving merrily down the Main Rd – bouncing to Jimi Hendrix – whilst stopping at every petroleum station in sight (requesting directions). This proved to be one big mistake, as we ended up turning around, driving up and down… a number of times – completely oblivious to the fact that Beluga was on the other end of Sea Point. :/

So anyways, after a quick turn around… And a sleak ninja-like passing through an orange light (yes, it was bloody orange)… we were unexpectedly and impolitely, confronted by a potentially-insane, certainly colourblind, oncoming SAPS member in a big fucking truck.

Yes… apparently a:

Protector of the Law
A Keeper of the Peace
And a general nice guy.

Okay, so I fantasize a bit…

So this Officer, who happened to cross into our lane, creating much confusion and traffic (we will call him Sgt. Post-Apocalyptic Fuckwod), thought he must have been some genius fashioned from the LHC (or something as miraculously spectacular)… As the grin on this little arrogant cunts face, reaked of a cocky attitude, and late night wife beatings – which is rather disturbing to say the least.

Personally, I have never liked the police – although…
I have met a few who will go beyond their average expectations to uphold the law. As well as a select few that are still able to feel emotion.
They are scarce, but there are most certainly some survivors of this monstrous flaw in protecting society.

…This hatred for the SA Police Service, actually manifested itself during The Great Pot Consumption Period of 2004 – 2007…

So… After  Sgt. Post-Apocalyptic Fuckwod’s ludicrous anti-criminal, precautionary measures, he then felt it necessary to inform me that I had proceeded to drive through a red robot. Obviously, to my shaky disagreement…

This lead to further trouble.

Sgt. PAF: “Have you been drinking”
Craig: “No! None at all… yes one beer”
Sgt. PAF: “If I find anything in here, I’m locking you up”
Craig: “Theres nothing in there…”
Sgt. PAF: “Then whats this?”
Craig: “Just some meds and empty beer bottles.”
Sgt. PUF: “Put your hands on the ro… PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE ROOF!”
Craig: “Well, whatever it is YOU believe I have done, I am sorry.”

Then after a pathetic search through my vehicle (even going through my wallet, yet failing to check the ashtray), he then wandered around to harass my fellow passenger.

Sgt. PAF: “Stand up straight”
ArchiBald: “Err… okay”
Checks his pockets
Sgt. PAF: ” whats this?!”
Archibald: “Um… looks like flint to me?”
Sgt. PAF: “Take it.”
Archibald: “I dont want it”

Eventually this idiot left us alone. Probably feeling some sense of accomplishment.

I on the other hand, was on the verge of actually believing that I had done something wrong? That man, was like a fucking nightmare on 2 feet – complete with a weird growth on his neck.

Craig and Archibald simultaneously: “Wtf. Just. Happened?”

We laughed till we arrived at Beluga. Fucking wanker had me anxious until the completion of my second cocktail…