Here are some more I have been using to further isolate myself from reality:

• has sweaty boob rash…
• is obsessed with big red buttons!
• can touch his tongue with his toe…
• would give his lefthand to be ambidextrous…
• dipped his winky in to the fountain of youth
• doesn’t like the sound of red robots…
• wants cookie
• knows two facts about frogs, and both of them are wrong…
• pee’s sitting down. Don’t judge me
• accidentally ate the cookie monster
• is off to a funkier dimension. Zzzz
• - Ive got nipples. Can you milk me?
• - Oh, there you are reality. Fancy fucking off for a bit longer perhaps?
• is awake. Weird.
• is planning on taking some maternity leave soon…
• beats a hard kick in the face
• is stuck in a contradictory paradox…
• is desperately seeking out a ‘fuck this’ panic button…
• once stared a girl pregnant…
• doesn’t come expensive.
• is super. Thanks for asking.
• will have you begging for more…
• is desperately searching online for a sarcasm font…
• is hung like a fetus…
• can judge a book by its cover…
• believes there is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met me.
• sleeps with a pillow under his gun.