What Was That…

It was a calm, clear, but windy night. We had just arrived home in spectacular fashion, after finishing up with the evenings’ events down at the famous Brass Bell.

However…

Soon after walking in, locking the front door and casually removing my ninja gear… I heard a strange, yet noticeable sound outside. Followed by intense, ferocious attacks on the front door itself.

At first I suspected it to be those 42-inch-plasma-stealing fairies from upstairs. But after careful CSI investigation and horizontal head nodding from my passionate female partner, it dawned on me that it may be that freaky, chainsaw wielding killer from Texas (Especially seeing as the petrol price has taken quite a knock. Its a feasible possibility). However pondering on this for a bit longer, led to the conclusion that it would be rather peculiar for a redneck from Texas to actually make it out of CPT International, mainly cause the fashion police would have drop-kicked his ass back so fast, he would arrive in Texas before the first massacre.

It was then that my eccentric lady friend requested that I simply open the front door and “See what all the fuss is about“.

Oh oh oh, little did she know!!

So I grabbed my balls tightly and silently crept up towards the mass 2.5 by 1 sheet of 1 inch painted wood that shields us from the terrible South African violence outside. Having a quick wank in the process, in case it be my last. Hey dont judge me.

Petrified, shaking and still clasping my nutsack whilst clenching the door handle. I said my final goodbyes, closed my eyes and took one final breath of living air before gently pulling the handle and releasing my grip.

I then opened my eyes.. Expecting the worst!

To see before me with great fear..

That stupid, crazed, flea-infested feline from 2 doors down. Its a fucking nutter!

I gave it a kick and shut the door. These fuckers think its a 7/11.