Whats with the uncomfortable silence in office toilets? Its as if ones personality and admirable characteristics are removed, when ones foot steps within this common ground. All those lengthy, funny, interesting office conversations are no more. Its now, get your shit out, wash and get the fuck out. Asap.

Or you will either be known as…

The book reader.
The squirter.
The all-over-mess-er.
The smeller.
The wipe-until-I-bleed-er.
The log-handler.
The dirty-hander.
Or some other informal and politically incorrect criticism.

…After spending time with the queen.

The worst is when the deed is done and cleansing has commenced, then Mr X busts in straight after and heads in where you came out. Not only does Mr X now know that he has picked the wrong loo, but now Mr X must also endure the sour, intensely dissatisfying aroma, of someone else’s insides. Someone he knows very well from daily chats at the proverbial office water cooler.

Gosh. Good luck mate..

I remember school days, when taking a dump was a group thing. Filled with smiles, wet toilet paper, cold water, and much disturbing noise.

But office toilets? Fuck that. Im in and out faster than the 32nd time I lost my virginity!

Peace out.